 Together or Apart?With Homeschooling it’s Your Choice
“Experience is a good guideline, and we’ve had our best results in separating twins because they grow individually and gain more socialization skills apart,” explained our local principal, Mark Turner, in a phone conversation we had last year to discuss Kindergarten options for our twins Andy and Matt.
When it comes time for school, many parents of multiples are as dismayed as I was to learn that it is often the school’s choice of whether to separate their twins, and more often than not, the school’s choice is to put the children in separate classrooms. But for parents who feel strongly about the issue, there is a way to guarantee parental choice: homeschooling. “Parents know their kids the best,” Principal Turner allowed, acknowledging that homeschooling was a viable option, especially for parents like us who feel strongly about keeping their twins together in school.
Linda Koenig, co-president of the board for Greater Rochester Loving Education at Home (LEAH), explained, “Homeschooling is legal in every state in the Union, and it is becoming more and more accepted.” In fact, many people choose to homeschool their children for philosophical, educational, or lifestyle reasons - in addition to religious conviction.
Can I really do it?
Many parents worry about how difficult homeschooling is, or if they can actually corral their twins long enough to teach them how to read or add and subtract. Koenig allays parents’ fears: “You don’t need a degree; you just need a desire to teach your children.”
With the increase in the popularity of homeschooling, there are support groups, Web sites and curricula for every level of homeschooler out there. “There are many helps to parents who wish to homeschool, from everything done for you to doing everything from scratch. There is no reason for anybody not to homeschool if they want to,” Koenig added.
Obstacles can be overcome
As the practice of homeschooling has spread throughout the country, many of the early obstacles associated with home-based education have been overcome.
Perhaps the top issue that people associate with homeschooling is socialization – or the lack thereof. Many people wonder how children who spend all their time with their family can possibly become well-adjusted, confident individuals.
Twins add their own spin to the socialization issue. Colleen and Craig Burritt of Hilton, N.Y., homeschool their four children including 18-year-old twins Cayce and Emily, who will graduate this year. “Socialization was never a problem for the kids,” said Colleen. She jokingly explains her standard response to people who ask about socialization is: “Mom doesn’t get enough!” She points out that her children can talk to a 2-year-old or a 92-year old equally well.
Many homeschooling parents beat the socialization problem by joining a support group where they and their children can mix with others who are homeschooling, or where your children might be able to take a lesson from another homeschooling parent. They play together and celebrate holidays, and enjoy any number of group activities.
Koenig said that groups such as LEAH typically offer sports teams, field trips and group lessons. “Most homeschooled children tend to have a much broader socialization than other kids because they socialize with kids younger and older than themselves as well as with adults,” she explained.
Competition is a tougher obstacle for homeschooling families with multiples, perhaps because the solutions must be determined for each set of multiples, as situations arise. Obviously, with such close quarters and few students in the “classroom,” it is only natural for twins to see each other as their main competitors. The emotions of the of the sibling relationship can simmer and parents find ways to prevent competition from erupting into an unhealthy rivalry, often through trial-and-error.
Betsy and Dan Mager, Greece, N.Y., are homeschooling parents of six children including 10-year-old twins Jonathan and Victoria. Betsy notes that while her twins tend not to be overly competitive with each other, she tries not to let them know each other’s scores on tests and papers. Instead, she will tell each child individually, and then allow each to choose if he or she wants to share those scores.
Benefits unique to multiples
The first and most obvious benefit of homeschooling multiples is the ability of the parent to choose whether or not the twins or triplets would do better together or separately. Patty and Larry Fuhrken homeschool three of their five children (the two oldest have already graduated), including 15-year-old twins Elisa and Sylvia. At home, before the family began traveling the country this year and homeschooling on the road, they found that separating the girls worked best for them. When Elisa and Sylvia reached school age, Patty noticed that the girls sat at the table and talked only to each other, ignoring any work placed before them. She wondered if the girls were simply not ready for school, but felt they should try splitting them up.
They changed their sleeping arrangements at home by placing Elisa and Sylvia in separate bedrooms with an older sister, but kept the twins together for schooling. Within two weeks the problem was solved. “It was like Elisa and Sylvia realized there was more to the family than just Mom, Dad and them,” Patty said. “Once they realized this, they began to interact with school, and schooling went much easier.”
For others, keeping the twins together has been beneficial. Betsy and Dan have always schooled Jonathan and Victoria together. “They are a team,” Betsy said, “They will go to each other if they have a problem, and they will help each other.” When the twins were younger, Betsy taught them in a classroom-type setting with their older sister, Hannah. Now, the Mager children work independently and go to each other or to Betsy when they need help.
Having children the same age is one advantage of homeschooling multiples. Whereas parents of singletons may hoomeschool children years apart in age with widely divergent needs, parents of multiples often can plan one level of lessons for more than one child, and still allow for their twins’ unique learning styles and individual pace of learning.
Another benefit of homeschooling is that you can give each child individual attention. We learned a valuable lesson with our sons Andy and Matt when we took them for swimming lessons at age 3. It was comical watching Andy jump right into the water certain he was born to swim, while Matt clung to our necks with what we affectionately dubbed, “the Guatemalan death grip.” Yet, at the end of the swim class we received a report describing the boys’ skills and shortcomings as exactly the same. For us, the swim experiment was a failure. The boys had very different experiences in the water and either the instructor had no idea who was who, or never paid attention to their individual needs and skills. We just got a cookie-cutter report.
“Many children do not blossom in a ‘cookie-cutter’ education” said Koenig. “With homeschooling, you are able to deal with your child at his maturation level and can customize his education.”
We decided our best bet would be to wait until the boys are ready to learn to swim, which brings up another benefit of homeschooling – the ability to tailor your lessons to each child. Whether you choose to teach your children together or apart, you can teach at each one’s pace and according to his or her interest level. “You have to be flexible,” Colleen Burritt said. “If my child is understanding, we move on. You have to tailor the education to your child, not your child to the books.”
The Choice is Yours
Homeschooling is a workable option for educating twins, and, in fact, offers many advantages. Parents talk about the extra attention and time they are able to spend with each multiple, a higher involvement of fathers, and an easier time handling discipline. Because homeschooling offers parents the opportunity to develop their children’s individual gifts and interests, the capacity to go at a pace tailored to each child and the choice of schooling together or apart, it can be a great choice for parents of multiples.
Originally published in TWINS Magazine, September/October 2005. Copyright Lisa Tiffin, 2005. |
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